People.com is reporting that there is a warrant out for Lindsay Lohan’s arrest. Apparently, she failed to show up to her court date, due to the fact that she lost her passport and is stuck at the Cannes film festival. There are so many things disturbing about this report:
1. A ‘tearful’ Michael Lohan was seen in court nodding in agreement with the judge’s decision. This means that Michael Lohan is now the voice of reason in the Lohan family. In unrelated news, Al Roker just reported that hell has indeed frozen over.
2. Isn’t Cannes typically reserved for legitimate actors in real movies? The last real movie Lohan was in was the Parent Trap circa 1998.
3. Lindsay’s bail will be set at $100,000. Maybe in real-people money that is a lot, but in Lohan-money that is the tip you leave after your weekly trip to Les Deux.
4. There are also unsubstantiated reports that while in Cannes, Lindsay has been spotted “canoodling” with Amanda Seyfried’s boyfriend. Lohan,Cady Heron would NEVER do that to Karen or any of the other plastics! I know you stole Aaron Samuels from Regina George, but Regina deserved it! We thought we knew you, Lohan.
All anyone can hope for now is Lohan’s safe return to LA, where she will undoubtedly be apprehended by the authorities at the airport…hopefully with cameras rolling, pushed live to tmz.com so our generation can have its’ very own “white ford bronco chase”.
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