I heart you, Kody Brown.

Can we please talk about “Sister Wives” on TLC? What an amazing piece of art that show is. Let me start by saying, I’m pretty embarrassed that it was on for 3 episodes before I discovered it. For everyone that hasn’t seen it yet (shame on you), let me set the stage for you.

Our protagonist Kody Brown, is an advertising executive in Utah, just looking for love. His catch phrase in the opening credits is actually (and this is not a joke): “Love should be multiplied, not divided”. Wise, Kody, wise. So in an effort to “multiply” his love (shudder), Kody has 3 wives, and is currently “courting” a 4^th. They all live in one big house that is sectioned off into apartments and have about 175 children between them all, ranging in age from 18 to fetus.

There are so so so many things wrong with this… and by “this” im not talking about polygamy in general. I’m talking about Kody being able to get 4 women to marry him (or one for that matter). There are so many reasons this concerns me, but let me draw your attention to a few:

#1: Kody spells his name with a “K”. And more to the point…his name is Kody. And I don’t know about you, but there is only one “Cody” that doesn’t give me the creeps, and that, my friends, is Mr. Cody Lambert. The code-man. (side note: Dana-Burger would have been LUCKY to date Cody. I mean, sure… he lived in a van in his uncle’s driveway, and he wasn’t the smartest “dude”, but he really did have a heart of gold. Ch-yeah!)

#2: Kody has a receding hairline AND a flowing mane of hair. While that’s an impressive accomplishment, it’s also disgusting looking.

#3: Kody leaves his first 3 wives and their 97 kids to go visit his potential 4^th wife who is 4 hours away for days a time. What a catch!

#4: Kody is a creep. Plain and simple. He. Is. Creepy.

Then there are the “sister wives”. Hmmm, how can I accurately describe the sister wives? Well… they seem to wear a lot of Old Navy “performance fleece” pieces and crewneck sweat shirts. And, ya know, their polygamists. That should paint a nice picture for you. But, while poorly-dressed and strange, these gals do give one heck-of-a sales pitch for polygamy. Some of the highlights:

• Built-in-babysitters!

• Time to watch crappy shows (like sister wives) in peace since you only see your husband every third night!

• 22 people obligated to help you when you move!

• Your kids can (and do) legitimately get to use the terms: “Brother from another mother” and “Sister from the same mister” to describe one another!

In summary, thank you TLC, we doubted you could top “Little People, Big World”, but you’ve certainly done it again.